Given my recent health scare, I have pretty much decided sharing feelings is the way to go. Balling up things never helps yourself, or anyone around you for that matter. It only makes you stress over the little things…
Have you ever had someone walk in to your life, who you absolutely adore, only to have them walk back out again just as quickly? Welcome to a little piece of my hell. Of course I will not name names, but this person will know. I just don’t think they know just how much this has affected me and how much I don’t want it to anymore.
It’s been ten months since we have seen or contacted each other, but the hurt still stings like a fresh wound. I foolishly thought not having him in my life would make things better and less complicated so I pushed him away. It’s just what I do. I get close to someone, become friends and then “bam!” I push them away. Clearly not one of my finer traits. I thought the “missing you” would lesson over the year, but truthfully it has just gotten worse.
So how do you tell someone you miss them when they won’t even talk to you? I guess you just don’t. You just have to live with the regret and find some way to cope with it. Live with the what if’s, could have’s, and might-have-been’s. I wish I could do things all over again, and that might seem cliche, but I would have done things very differently. I saw a beautiful friendship developing and was blinded by other things that never should have factored in.
But that’s the beauty of life-or so people say-making mistakes and learning from them. I don’t expect or ask for a second chance, but I just wish this disappointing feeling that I bear 24/7 would diminish even the slightest.
I miss you…more than you care and more than you probably care to know…
“I want to talk to you, but I don’t know what to say. I am afraid you don’t want me to say anything. So I don’t. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you in my life. But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside.”
— Author Unknown